So this morning I met with my friend Ryan. He is our Area Director for Young Life. We were meeting to talk about what I wanted to do this year as far as YL is concerned. I told him I wanted to do high school instead of middle school because my heart is with freshmen and sophomore girls. But he wanted to know? Am I in a good place to lead kids to Christ?
I have spent most of the summer and a good part of the spring dealing with crap from my past. I have been totally anti-social, not wanting to talk to anyone, just hidin’ out in my hole. Also? I haven’t been walkin’ as closely as I know I should be with my Lord.
My heart? Is torn.
I think? I keep hearing Christ tellin’ me “Young Life.” But is that really Him? Or is it just what I want to hear?
But? Who better than me to lead these kids to Him? After all? With my past and even my right-now, if Jesus loves me, He can love anybody. These girls can talk to me about anything. And? Nothing they tell me could shock me. Because I? Have been there, done that, and got the stupid t-shirt.
But then again? Maybe I? Need to get back on the lighted path. Spend more time in the Word, spend more time praying, and spend more time with my mentors and my Christian family.
I know. That I need to love myself better before I can love my girls. I need to not compare myself with other, “better,” Christians.
I need? To be confident in myself and as one of God’s beloved children.
So? I guess? That pretty much answers my questions. I can still spend time with my girls, loving them. But? I should not be leading them until I am sure and secure in my own walk.