So the boy has this friend. They’ve been friends for what seems like forever. At least since 3rd or 4th grade.
Now the boy?
Has this habit of pickin’ up the lost kids, the needy kids, the underdogs if you will.
Think this is a great. This girl, at the time they became friends?
Was one of the neediest children I have ever met.
Youngest of two girls, single, drug using, unemployed mom, dad in prison somewhere on the other side of the country.
An unwanted child. Her mom let her know? That big sister’s shit don’t stink. Hers did.
She would come to my house after school? And would hug me and wanna talk to me and follow me around.
It was almost impossible to get her to go home.
When she and the boy were in 7th grade?
Her house burned down. They lost everything. Everything was not much. A couple of mattresses on the floor, some thrift store hand-me-down clothing, you get the picture. But the real loss for her? Her dog. Who was the only living creature to show her unconditional love.
I busted my ass to help her family. Found a place for them to stay, collected stuff at the middle school, got local businesses to donate goods and services.
Why? I loved this girl.
Let’s fast-forward about a year and a half. She and the boy?
Are in 8th grade. They don’t really talk a whole lot anymore.
She is in my behavior program? Because she is unable or unwilling to behave in a regular classroom.
Also? She is “dating” a 21-year-old guy.
One day she saunters in about a half hour after school started?
And she is on a roll.
“Fuck this” “Fuck that” “Who the fuck cares?” “It’s my life and I can smoke or drink or have sex or whatever I want”
I made the mistake?
Of forgetting my teacher role. I moved in to “someone who loves you” mode. BIG mistake.
I decided that it was time for this child I loved and I to have a “come to Jesus” talk.
And I blew it. I was trying so hard to make her see what could happen to her life if she stayed on the same path?
That I was trying to talk to her like the voice of reason, like someone who has been there, asking her if she wanted a fucked up life.
Yes. I really asked her if she was trying to fuck up her life and I used those words.
I managed to convince my boss? That I was trying to relate to her in her language.
So why all the angst now?
The boy and I need to hit the “big city” and I’m thinkin that the boy?
Is gonna be chompin’ at the bit cause he’s gettin a new phone.
But he thinks he may want to wait til Monday? He wants to hang with friends over the weekend.
“You know? Your friends can always come with?” I’ll buy a friend some dinner.
The boy tells me? The person he wants to hang with would never come with me anywhere.
Who is this friend? I’m rackin my brain tryin to think of friends of the boys who really don’t like me?
He finally tells me it’s her?
She and the boy have sorta reconnected. They are plannin on hangin out this weekend.
She always seems happy to see me when I run into her in town.
But I believe? That the boy is telling me the truth.
And it really fuckin hurts. Why do I let a 15-year-old’s opinion of me get me this bad?
Because I still love her?
Because I think she’s an ungrateful brat who doesn’t remember or care about what I’ve done and tried to do for her?
Because I’m petty enough to tell the boy that he can’t hang around with her cause she drinks and smokes and sleeps around?
I don’t know what to do. I know I need to let go of this. After all?
She is a 15-year-old child.
Maybe someday? She will realize what I tried to do for her, that I loved her.
Guess I just have to give it to God.
He knows His plans for her.
And His plans for her?
Are way better than anything I could do for her on my own.