So I’m gettin’ ready for my now-becoming-annual European vacation.
But I’m going to Russia?
And I have a really hard time thinkin’ of Russia as European.
Russia? Is the Soviet Union without the blatant communism.
It’ll be interesting to see Red Square and the Kremlin and all the shit I used to see on the tv when I was in high school thinkin’ the commies were gonna come bomb us while I’m sleepin.
Kris? There’ll probably be pictures. As in photographs because I?
Am not very good at drawing pictures.
Two years ago, when I was in France, one of the hubs coworkers also brought his wife. So she and I hung around together during the day. Visited the Reims Notre Dame, toured champagne cellars (with tasting), and generally played the tourists.
At least I played the tourist. This was my second trip to Europe, the first being 30 years earlier. So the wife was tryin to teach me all the proper etiquette.
She tells me to never ask a European for a napkin. These, it turns out, are kotex to the Europeans.
If you need something to wipe your chin?
Ask for serviettes.
So guess what happened? Uh huh. Aunt Flow came to France.
But I”m all smart and knowing what to ask for?
I go into the Pharmacie, walk right up to the counter, and proceed to ask the guy for napkins.
He’s lookin at me like I have three heads.
I keep askin for napkins, he keeps shakin his head.
Finally he hands me a pen and a piece of paper?
He wants me to draw him a picture of what I want.
WTF? First, how the hell do you draw something like that and B, I can’t even draw a fuckin’ stick figure.
So I take a deep breath?
“oui, oui…right over here.” (imagine French accent)
Tampax, Kleenex, and Coke are universal.
But this trip?
I’ll be bringing my own shit.
Just in case.